texracr
Joined: 7-21-2006
City: Space City, USA
Posts: 7777
Re: ~?~Humor ~?~The Best Medicine~?~
8/23/2007 8:08 AM

'Top Ten Signs Osama Bin Laden is Alive and Well'

10. FBI has indicted him for funding an illegal goatfighting operation

9. On recent Al Qaeda audiotape, he says some kind words about Merv Griffin

8. The new US Weekly has photos of him in a hot tub with Britney

7. The congratulatory phone call to Barry Bonds

6. He's booked with Regis and Susan Lucci at Foxwoods Resort & Casino

5. His MySpace page was updated this morning

4. Starring in a new series about a bunch of misfits who try to rob Ayman Al-Zawahiri

3. Al Jazeera reports he's endorsing Mitt Romney for President

2. Afghanistan moviegoers report a 7-foot bearded guy laughing his nuts off at "Superbad"

1. Seen house hunting in L.A. with wife Posh Bin Laden

texracr
Joined: 7-21-2006
City: Space City, USA
Posts: 7777
Re: ~?~Humor ~?~The Best Medicine~?~
8/23/2007 9:33 AM

God Bless Texas!

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work
there.........you may live in Texas

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time........you may live in Texas.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number......you may live Texas.

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend.......you may
live in Texas.

If you measure distance in hours........you may live in Texas.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once......you may live
in Texas.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both
unlocked........you may live in Texas.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them....you may live in Texas.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody
is passing you.........you may live in Texas.

If you find 60 degrees "a little chilly".........you may live in Texas.

Big Smile [:D]

tennesseettes
Joined: 9-26-2006
Posts: 240
Re: ~?~Humor ~?~The Best Medicine~?~
8/23/2007 10:23 AM

A man’s first and only son was born without a torso, arms or legs, just a head! But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he can, with love and compassion.  After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.  Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
   
With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh ! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink!"

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip!  Plop!! Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

By now, the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left, then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "He should've quit while he was a head.”
texracr
Joined: 7-21-2006
City: Space City, USA
Posts: 7777
Re: ~?~Humor ~?~The Best Medicine~?~
8/23/2007 1:39 PM

WHY MEN WEAR EARRINGS

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says,"I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friends falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say,"So, how long have you been wearing one?"



"Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."

nextelmom8
Joined: 7-22-2006
Posts: 13227
Re: ~?~Humor ~?~The Best Medicine~?~
8/23/2007 2:30 PM

ROFL 2 [:rofl2]  y'alls good!!!

And a reminder..this thread is in dedication to 2NN's Aunt DodieSmile [:)] RIP.

2 NasCar Nvtsz
Joined: 7-21-2006
Posts: 3220
Re: ~?~Humor ~?~The Best Medicine~?~
8/24/2007 9:48 PM
nextelmom8:

ROFL 2 [:rofl2]  y'alls good!!!

And a reminder..this thread is in dedication to 2NN's Aunt DodieSmile [:)] RIP.

why thank you for this re/dedication to Aunt Dodie
nextelmom8
Joined: 7-22-2006
Posts: 13227
Re: ~?~Humor ~?~The Best Medicine~?~
8/25/2007 3:49 AM
2 NasCar Nvtsz:
nextelmom8:
 

ROFL 2 [:rofl2]  y'alls good!!!

And a reminder..this thread is in dedication to 2NN's Aunt DodieSmile [:)] RIP.

why thank you for this re/dedication to Aunt Dodie

Wink [;)] Your much welcome my friend!!!!  Big Smile [:D] 

tennesseettes