God Said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him.  Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?”

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill...."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was, then he told Adam, "On the

other side of the hill you will find a cave"

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, too.  Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God said (under his breath), "Geez.....", then, just like everything else, God

explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, over the hill, into the cave,

and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, ask, "What is it now?"

Adam said, "What's a headache?"

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16.

Do you remember back then?" he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

"I would have gotten out today."

Too funny Oak!

 

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked

to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him

that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the

boy asks his manager about the matter saying,  "Some butt-hole wants to

buy a half head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find

the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly

offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the

manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out

of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where 

you from, son?"

" Texas, sir." the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?"  the manager asked.

Boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife’s from Texas "

"No s**t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"